Posted by Floyd Diebel 2 Comments

A Moment of Clarity

Last night I arrived home late, tired, and cranky. I stepped into my little loft and noticed I had left my floor-to-ceiling window shades open, so I went out on my balcony and kinda basked in the night for a minute. My view is a fairly boring fourth story view of midtown (and includes a lovely run-down car rental lot) but for whatever reason, I finally noticed it as something beautiful.

I think it had something to do with the wind blowing against my shirt.

I think it had something to do with the wind blowing against my shirt, the fabric feeling especially nice on my skin. Maybe it was the birds singing in the distance, or even the drunken people out on the street acting like fools. Dunno. Anyhow, after a moment an incredible thought lept across my insides.

I’m going to miss this.

It took me second to realize that this thought was wrapped up in an acute awareness of my own mortality – being aware that someday like everyone I’ll have to die. Someday I won’t be able to experience moments like this. What seemed amazing though was that I had no fear about it whatsoever, it was just a few seconds of simple awareness. It’s really weird how sometimes the most innocuous moments can have absolute importance.

This is a beautiful moment, and I’m going to miss this.

  • Ummm. Let’s emphasize the “Someday” part of  you’re going to miss this. I do get your drift. Lately mortality is creeping in on me as well.

  • Darkness at the break of noon
    Shadows even the silver spoon
    The handmade blade, the child’s balloon
    Eclipses both the sun and moon
    To understand you know too soon
    There is no sense in trying.
    Pointed threats, they bluff with scorn
    Suicide remarks are torn
    From the fool’s gold mouthpiece
    The hollow horn plays wasted words
    Proves to warn
    That he not busy being born
    Is busy dying.

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