Being the new guy around here seems like being the newest Oompa Loompa at Wonka’s factory.
Hello. My name is Brian.
I am the new guy.
Being the new guy around here seems like being the newest Oompa Loompa at Wonka’s factory. There’s cool stuff everywhere, the work is hard but worth it, and occasionally there are treats. The only downside is they’re not teaching me any songs to sing for occasions when a child gets sucked into a pipe or turned into a blueberry. They tell me that rarely happens around here, but I know better.
Anyway, I thought I should introduce myself, but there’s not a way to do that without sounding like I’m writing for an online dating site. So instead all I’ll say is I’m new, I work hard, and have mercy on me when I screw up. I look forward to meeting everyone when the time comes.
(Also, the picture is of me when I was six. I’m hoping to engender sympathy by including the image. I have a feeling it won’t work; I was a terrible child.)